Categories
Fake News Fake News

PMQS: Kier Starmer Challenges Boris Johnson to a duel

During todays Prime Ministers Questions, Labour leader Sir Kier Starmer challenged PM Boris Johnson to a sword duel. 

57 year old former human-rights lawyer, Starmer, said the best way to truly see if the Prime Minister was up to the task of navigating this pandemic was to compete in a one on one dual. 

Johnson, who is no stranger to posh-boy antics, laughed at the challenge, claiming Starmer wouldn’t know a “real sword if he walked into it”

Starmer retaliated: “Mr Johnson, I truly believe it is in the interest of the entire nation to understand if you truly can dual, or are you scared to lose?”

Johnson then seemingly blundered, the new social distancing measures in the house of commons meant that his assistant passing him prompt cards was not so discrete, as a white note was tapped on the prime minister’s shoulder. Cameras inside the chamber revealed three words written on the card: ‘call him names’.

The prime minister obliged, and proceeded with a barrage of upper-class insults: “You great big cock-womble, you are floccinaucinihilipilificatious how dare you challenge my dueling credentials, I was top of the class in Eton.. I think.. maybe.. not sure.. perhaps.. either way wait till my father hears about this”. And alas, the prime minister stormed out, clearly unable to contain his rage.

Starmer hit Johnson where it hurt, it’s fair to say. This PMQs was a Starmer masterclass.